Explanation Needed?

After several emails, it seems that an explanation of the poems is necessary. All of the women that are described in these poems were given fair warning, "If you do x, then y will happen." I even gave these people a short story to emphasize the seriousness of my convictions.
The story goes like this: I was dating a woman and had this to say, '"One of the things that I truly dispise are hickeys. Where I am from, a hickey is a sign of ownership. I am not owned by you or any other person. So, don't try to give me one. If you do, then you will not like the result." As things got going, she made the first attempt. I pushed her away and said, "This is your first warning. Don't do that." We started the action again and fifteen minutes later, she made the second attempt. This time, when I pushed her away, I said, "If you do that again, I will punch you in the face. Do not try me." On her third attempt, I clocked her in the nose and told her to get the fuck out. This is the one and only time that I have ever hit a woman. Don't let yourself be the second.'
For each of these women in the poems, I told this story. I also told them that if you cross this line, then this will be the result. Everytime, they had to cross the line. The result is found in the poems.

Just a Game

What is love, is it just a game?
Use love for sex, the male view;
Sex for love, what women do.
Poor and rich, no one and the fame.

Have used this ploy, three times this year.
For me, the game is the hunt,
Stalk the prey, the prize cunt.
Look back the road, guilty fear.

The first this year, way to easy.
This was a fox down in six,
Just wingman and dinner mix,
A one night stand, just too cheesy.

The second was a tennis pro.
But alas, the kill first night.
Limp along, relations might
Sate the beast, need new blood, grow.

The next was one, an L.E.O.
Again, the first night a kill.
This one, no gazelle, no thrill.
Walked away, left taint though.

Stalk in the summer, search for food.
The game is leaving the pool
And now, is starting to cool.
Hibernation is now my mood.

I keep a wary eye around.
Seeing blood flock by my den,
Biding my time to begin
The next game, the thrill to abound.

I hunt you now from the depths of my mind,
Dreaming of summer and the games next time.

10.21.04

You of Me?

It is a terrible thing to be in pain
Body, mind, and soul.
Emptiness is a path to destruction,
Left numb by the weight and roll.
I come not here to preach,
Nor look for pity in man,
But dream of deliverance and joy,
That is somehow in the plan.

Here I lay in darkness and heat
Longing, searching for a one.
Alas, I am the one, alone here again,
Where fear rules, 'till done.
Ghosts of those who are long past,
Creep silently through mind's door.
While phantoms of those yet to come,
Float upward through dirt and floor.

This soul is dead and dark.
Crushed in loss, lost by fight.
When life is gone from this shell
And hurt resides in the light.
The trail is gone by years of unuse,
Overgrown by age and loss.
Now I wander from place to place,
Ruining the thickets ans moss.

Again, I dream of thee.
Do you ever dream of me?

07.12.99

Celestial Bodies

For now I'm dark as is the sky
Your light is gone and here I cry
I'm blind to the world from above
I'm new and old without you, Dove.

Your sun rises and then it sets.
Earth blocks my view from space we met.
Warmth is gone, I miss your light,
For I am not me; all is night.

To once more bask in your red hair,
Might save my soul and problems there.
You're in my dreams each night to see,
I long for you to set me free.

But we were young and did not know,
That fate would change our cosmic flow.

03.06.99

Smell of Hate

The hate in my heart is bound to kill
My heart, my soul any way it will.
Look for the threat wherever I am.
Murder those lost ones, the cursed and damned.

No one around to hear of my pain
Drown in the quiet of pouring rain.
Bleak is the one when always alone
Cry out for steak and given the bone.

Sit in the dark, contimplate life.
Struggle with answers of death and stryfe.
Death has been tried, yet always near.
Finding a way to end it, my fear.

To hunt for the fight is now the goal.
The rage and hate starts the ball to roll.
Just the smell of blood, brings out the beast.
Weep in cool, dark chaos, join the feast.

Alone with my spirits, questions rise.
What owns my soul and will win the prize?

06.24.98

Reunion

What is fate and how do I see
How others percive the sight of me?
Cursed to be always alone
Solo or in group, through my life to roam.

My looks are evil, this to scare
Those to taint and the good to beware.
This dark side shadows the light
That shrouds the values the values to which I hold tight.

Violence is life, never peace.
Wars go on only through death to cease.
Drown in fragrance of pure blood
To mourn lost innocents, I once would.

Fear is the game from which I grew.
Took out with the weak, each day anew.
Always the victim, while young.
Too afraid to stand up for each blow stung.

But soon I will return to those
Who fueled my hate and turned up their nose.
Calm is the tool, death the goal.
Vengeance is mine, when they fall through dark hole.

A stare, a look drives some quite mad.
Joy for me when their face turns so sad.
Dominate emotions race.
I love fucking with one's personal space.

I have been called many dark things.
For the pain of others, my heart sings.
Each day my mark shows the past:
Almost lost my life, run from hurt so fast.

The day will dawn soon in black soot.
Knee to groin, crush trachea with foot.
I wish I could give this pain
To those who inflicted me with this reign.

8.01.98

Roaming Around Foggy

A silent mist roams the night
Dredging up fear veiled in stark white.
All around the monsters walk free,
Shown by their shiny eyes of green.

Alone, at home I write this tale.
Listening to the souls that wail.
Down within a screamer is I,
Lost to the world, under black sky.

Thoughts of women I've known in life
Plays havoc; never ending strife.
I have become my lost evil:
A liar, a cheat; dark devil.

My past temptations play with fate
A kiss, a fuck, just can't wait.
Emotions for those I know not,
Devoid for those when bed is hot.

Laid so often, but where is she
That will love my demons; all of me.
How can I care for another,
When life is all sex, no other.

My faith has been changed by the past.
No longer zealous, just the fast.
I can see God in everything,
But church won't hear me sing.

Friends have found religion anew.
While I have strayed, to bid adieu
To those who seek that lost ideal,
To judge for myself what is real.

Philosophy of life calls me now.
What do I beleve, to whom bow.
Allegiance to living being,
To follow heart and blind seeing.

Mind wanders with topics to tell.
But those eyes delve into my shell.
Again they are green, but do not shine.
Hammer my soul, yet won't be mine.

How do I proceed with this pain?
Deep inside, does the fog remain.
Clouding heart and fueling lust.
Dreams of lies and mouth of dust.

Calls of ice reach my life again
To heed the smell in bright lit den.
I cry out to see my new friends,
The long flat blade brings tears to end.

Can I cajole pleasure to those
Who only see home down their nose?
I have failed to bring this to some,
To end up on my blades numb.

The creatures are here and I am one.
Digging through life the mind is done
Trying to find the answers here.
Just killing spirit built from fear.

Alone, the mist floats through my mind.
Whether I'm an asshole or kind,
It does not matter, and I am cold.
Roaming around foggy and old.

11.15.97

Dream Djinn

Dream of life on All Hallows Eve,
Hides dark bod in blue silk deceive.
Tramp I am told, but who am I
To question one's life, eye for eye.

This wraith has been in dreams of mine
Since we were introduced back in time.
What is the chance to see her now,
Hiding my pain in guise of Crow.

Long I've searched for evil equal
To my dark heart, first, no sequel.
Hers different, but still the same.
Eyes offering blackness, in name.

Cruel Fate, please show me this Djinn.
Let the black burst forth from within.

10.31.97

Lies in Promises

My heart is broken from my Hyde
Haunts the space where my soul resides.
This creature has killed, lost a friend,
Another tale of grief begins.

Innocence walks in deep water,
Drown in sorrow for night's pleasure.
Five hours destroy three longing years.
Cry together burning tears.

Yet fate has dealt such strange irony,
Our friendship has grown immensely.
The sexual tension is gone.
Traveling the time, souls as one.

8.23.97

Funny, but the person that I wrote about in this poem left the area. Our friendship deteriorated after that. She finally returned to the area, while I moved on.

Mirror in Black

Relections hide in dark mirrors
Banish light souls, black is clearer.
Must be dead to kill another.
Cast no shadow, hear no other.

Giddy with fear, pain searing flesh;
Soulless assassin gives last wish.
Who is dead first, killer or killed?
Barking in cold chaos, be so thrilled.

Stalking the prey through empty night.
Who hunts me in the darkness blight?
Take my body, the soul is gone.
Black is the heart, when the song is done.

There are no mirrors in my room
To see the killer, pain and gloom.
Pictures are worse than I can bear,
Permanent image, those who dare.

Climbers are evil, I am more:
Rape the innocent, kill the poor.
Taint the pure with deft tongue and hand,
Plant the remains in soiled land.

Those who seek it will always find
Easy death for the weak and blind.
Strong in mind, the body too weak
To murder reflections I seek.

8.13.97

Sleeper

Down in a dark and twisted mind
I struggle for joy, truth to find.
All around black bears roam
Deep in the valley I call home.

I shake from fear and mourn for death,
Blackness surrounds, I gasp for breath,
Falling into another hole.
Tears well up, down my face to roll.

Lonliness is but a factor.
Reaping my soul, life's cruel tractor.
Kick the habit, another found.
Tricks of the past churn up my ground.

Ice cold pain fills an empty chest.
Bring up skeletons, long at rest.
Laughter screams out of quests so dire,
A banshee howl ringed of blue fire.

A once proud man becomes a shell,
Fight the demons of my own hell.
The Sleeper cries out, "End it all!",
But never again will I fall.

Women try to cure these foul ills:
A hug, a peck, darkness give chills.
Alone in my heart; broken sphere.
Run and hide from evil here.

Got laid again, but still the same.
Alone, eventhough she remain.
Sleep comes slowly, darkness creeps in,
Grief present, where does joy begin?

Should I not feel spiritual bliss
After a quest such as this?
Why do I cry in hope profound,
To see only empty around.

Hear music of sorrow and pain,
Bleed out false hopes, just in vain.
Happiness is a memory,
Ten hours of facade is easy.

Round and round, the dark whirlpool flows
Drowning my spirit in gray snows.
Quiet the night in grim disappear,
Pull of the Sleeper so unrare.

7.4.97-7.5.97

Grandpa, Allen McIntosh

This poem is a tribute to my grandfather, who died on October 24, 1996. I read this poem to the assembled congregation at his funeral. God Bless you Grandpa, you will be missed.

How do I describe a man
Who was old when I was born,
Yet just a mere eight years older,
Than my Pop is right now?

These I'll always remember:
Of his left middle finger,
New olives in the cure bin
And the broom that followed it,

Cute little bunnies in cages
To see the dinner slaughter.
His old light blue pick-up truck,
Putter always by his side.

What knowledge is lost to us
Now that yo are dead and gone?
I am glad that I saw you
Before time took you away.

Grandpa, I loved you so much,
Never will I forget you.

10.26.96

Introduction

Welcome to my Blog. The following posts are from a collection of poems that I have written. The idea behind my poetry is to get myself out of whatever funk that currently occupies my mind. This is a technique that a therapist suggested to me back in high school. I have sent a few of these to contests and would be interested to hear any comments. The first ten poems were written in the past, from 1996 through 2000.